Thursday, August 07, 2008

If you hire me for this job, I will kick ass and take names.

Last night, I realized that in my own image of myself as an academic administrator--a vice president, say, or a dean, as opposed to a mere faculty member--I would be something like Jesus clearing the moneylenders out of the temple. Except with more swearing. But still righteous.


  1. THIS I would like to see. Seriously.

  2. Yeah. Me too.
    Could you wear a t-shirt that says: "I came here to chew gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of gum."
    Please? And also sit behind a big desk that has a name plate that reads "she who must be obeyed."
    Also, it would be nice if you had a PA system where you could make announcements like "cupcakes in the foyer!"

  3. I think you should do it; just shut down the creative side of yourself and hunker down for battles. Please make these things happen immediately:

    1. 20% raise over the next two years for all faculty members

    2. Hire 10 new tenure track faculty for English and raise adjunct pay to $2500 a class

    3. Move student evals to the end of the semester so they can evaluate the whole course not just the first half

    4. Get rid of all mean, anti-teaching/teacher administrators--that's right mean!

    Do all of the above with much swearing and table turning.



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