Friday, January 18, 2013

The Megastore recommends: special winter DON'T edition!

I repeat: not your friend. (Although...

1. Don't get up so early! Early rising has its bonuses--seeing the sun rise; quiet streets; it's just you and the birds communing. Perhaps, however, you may gather that these early-rising virtues occur at other times of the year than the present time. Like spring. Certainly not in the gloom of an inversion. For the love of heaven, burrow down, man! The Darkness is not your friend--not now, not when there is so much of it. Stay in bed--it's safer there.

...this song is dang catchy:)

2. Don't fret because you still have Christmas stuff up. Okay, Christmas tree. It's your own house, man. You can do what you want, decor-wise. Be careful with that candle, though.

you're not seriously saying that this...
is better than this, are you?

I made soup today and I totally garnished it in this fashion. Or not.
3. Don't fear the soup. We at the Megastore keep running into people who have an irrational fear of soup. Okay, it's our own children. The youngest ones. What gives? Soup is the staff of life, kids. It keeps you warm. There's none of that extra and senseless chewing required, like when you eat two Big Macs just because the second one is only a penny. With soup, you just slurp it down. It keeps you alive. It is savory. Soup is your friend. Your slurpy, soupy friend.

4. Don't go outside! For the love of all that's holy! It's cold out there!

That's right.


  1. It's cold out there everywhere, man. What is this, Miami Beach? Not hardly.

  2. I like this. "Don't" can be a positive word! Like, "Don't shower unless enough people around you verbalize their annoyance."

  3. Just got home from California where it was 80 degrees in Long Beach. I feel assaulted by the cold.



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