Monday, July 02, 2012

"All the movies" report.

TO: the movie-watching public

FROM: htms

DATE: July 2, 2012

RE: All the movies

As you may recall, earlier this year and also at various points during my whole life, I have expressed a sentiment--a vow, even--that of late has take the formulation "I want to see all the movies." Such a desire--a promise, even--requires something in the way of follow through, accountability. This report is one of a series of periodic updates on the project--the covenant, even--I have heretofore announced.

In the last seven days, the first full week I have spent in town since school was out, I have seen five movies. I hasten to add that there are so many more movies to see, currently, that I fear the five-movies-in-seven-days pace will not be adequate to the task. None of us likes to embark on a task, at the outset acknowledging that we will fail. Specifically, I do not like such an acknowledgement. In fact, I refuse to so acknowledge. Nonetheless, there is a certain mathematical element to the issue, which I also refuse to acknowledge. I want to--I will--see all the movies. ALL.

But anyway: five movies, seven days. Here we go.

1. Prometheus.

2. The Avengers. I will eat no more popcorn forever, is what I told my son this afternoon. "Yeah, you will," he said. And he's probably right. Luckily, the popcorn-of-death syndrome did not strike until after the movie, which I enjoyed quite a bit. Mark Ruffalo plays my all-time favorite The Hulk, which heretofore was Bill "The Courtship of Eddie's Father" Bixby, of the television show. Seriously, that was some fine family entertainment.

3. Moonrise Kingdom. In the aftermath of the popcorn-eating, soda-swilling debacle of my viewing of The Avengers on Thursday afternoon, I did not get a lot of sleep Thursday night. Moreover, I had to get up early Friday morning to finish a presentation for the dread retreat of that day. But I was not going to let a bunch of circumstances, measly circumstances, get in the way of a Friday night movie, no sir. And I had been waiting for Moonrise Kingdom like a dog wants its dinner, i.e., with eagerness unfettered by reason. So this means that I may or may not have nodded a bit during the first third of the movie. Which I find appalling. So let me just say that (a) upon reflection (about the portion of the movie I actually saw as opposed to the portion I catnapped through), I feel it was poetic, a poetic movie, that was also funny, and (b) the music was superb--absolutely superb--, and (c) I feel that in good conscience I should see it again.

I think you can see that this is a small setback in the "All the movies" project. Alas.

4. Safety Not Guaranteed. The historian and I loved this little film. It has the promise of time travel and a person who may or may not be crazy, shenanigans and chicanery and obfuscation and the not-telling of the whole truth and nothing but the truth, government agents and a Washington State beach town, what may be true love but might also not be, and a small amount of tastefully-represented debauchery. Also Aubrey Plaza (of Parks and Recreation fame), and the guy who plays Nick in The New Girl. Really really good. Recommended.

5. Snow White and the Huntsman. Today, after my writing, or "writing," as the case may or may not have been today, I put on my red shoes and my red scarf and my sunglasses and went to the movies, by myself. So that was awesome, right from the get-go. Basically, my criterion for the movie was: it had to be on my list of movies I wanted to see (obviously, I guess, but I can't say that all the movies I've ever seen even fit this one, very basic, criterion. That's how crucial it can be to see a movie, is all I'm saying). Okay: it had to be on the list. It had to be a movie that the historian probably wouldn't want to see. And it had to be at a theater near me and at a time when I would have finished my writing/"writing."

This movie fit all those criteria. How was it? It was pretty good, actually. My daughter's friend Hazel says it was "a rental," and that's probably justified. However: this was a movie with plenty of big-screen goodness--color and some effects and whatnot--and Kristen Stewart looked ravishingly lovely a lot of the time, and Chris Hemsworth (Thor) was very hunky as the Huntsman. Charlize Theron fulfilled her destiny in playing an evil queen like a boss.

An aside on Kristen Stewart: what's with all the Kristen Stewart hate? I can name several movies in which I thought she was swell. Hating on Twilight shouldn't mean hating on the K-Stew. She's an all right actress, and sometimes better than that. Don't be unfair, the people. Don't hate.

In conclusion: good vs. evil, ever satisfying, am I right? Right?

This concludes my report.


  1. Thank you for your report. I feel this is very helpful to my hopes of someday seeing more movies than once every three months or something.

  2. Kirsten Stewart is my female Nicholas Cage. Shoot me.

    and are you up for re-seeing "Moonrise" and "Safety" with me still? Cuz...I wanna.
    Also have you seen "People Like Us" yet?? you MUST. Must I say!

  3. First, I love your banner picture. I want to make a picture like that, too. Also, I love the "eagerness unfettered by reason" and having become dog-owner must say that is exactly spot on. Thirdly, I love summer movies and this report makes me hope that maybe there will be something worth seeing!


    sorry. I just really think this is hilarious.

  5. Sabriel--yes, totally. Rude, and funny.



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