Guide #579: How to Optimize Your Trip to Target.
1. Any day is a good day to go to Target, especially on the way home from work.
2. Keep a running list in your head of stuff you might need at Target. Start this list while you are sleeping, or while you are trying to fall asleep, or when you wake up. In the last few minutes of your office hours. In fact, thinking of going to Target during the last few minutes of your office hours will sweeten those minutes right up.
3. First, cruise the part of the store where they have stuff you like. If that happens to be all the parts of Target, so be it.
4. Is there new stuff? Make a note of it. (sparkly holiday clothes; bright sweaters; shiny purse; spangly scarf.)
6. Put the stuff that's calling your name in your cart. You did get a cart, didn't you?
7. Walk to the part of the store where they have the stuff you need. (dishwasher detergent, rinse agent, Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castile Soap.) Put that stuff in your cart.
8. Go back to the other part of the store and put all or most of the stuff that was calling your name back on the racks. Come on. You don't need that stuff.
9. Go to the other other part of the store, where they have stuff you might need. Christmas stuff, for instance.
10. Whilst considering the expensive wreaths and possible candleholders and holiday dishes and other sundry decorative items, let the things you just put back on the rack percolate in your mind. Do you need them after all? Do you?
11. No. You don't.
12. Get a magazine. Get two.
13. Potato chips? Sure.
14. Get the hell out of there before you've spent all the kids' college money! Quick!
(15. Later that night, consider the sparkly cardigan one more time.)