Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Ten Commandments of Grading.

1. Upon commencing thy grading, thou shalt obtain a warm beverage, else thine energy shall flag.

2. Thou shalt not commence by multiplying the number of students by the number of minutes per assignment, lest thy will to live plunge precipitously; indeed, thou shalt not estimate nor "guesstimate" how long, how long O Lord! it shall all take before thy labors are complete. Rather shalt thou tell thyself lies, for thou cannot handle the truth, verily thou cannot.

3. Thou shalt have on hand an abundance of snacks. Healthy, salty, whichever thou likest best. Both healthy and salty are good in the eyes of the Lord.

4. Thou shalt sit by a window so that thou mayest have light, but thou shalt face away from the window lest the commotion in the street, or the least sparrow on thy maple's branches, distract thee from thy labors.

5. Thou shalt grade at least five assignments before the next snack.


the Commandmentinator.
6. Thou shalt not "take a break" and search the internet for cat tumblrs, for lo, searching for cat tumblrs is light-minded and is not pleasing in the eyes of the Lord when thou art grading. 

7. Thou shalt lower the bar of thine expectations, for verily thou art only a human being, and thou canst not do everything, not in a day, yea not even in two days: the Lord knoweth thou art not a robot!

8. Thou shalt not pray for an algorithm to perform thy grading in thy behalf: for such prayers are vain and light-minded and the Lord desireth that thou get cracking on thy labors, for it is thy JOB and thou shalt not shirk it!

9. Thou shalt not despair, though the grading wilt always be with us.

10. On the morrow, thou shalt arise early: the hour arriveth quickly in which thou must take up the grading thou didst not finish today.

8 comments:

Renaissance Girl said...

This is the funniest thing I've read all day. I'm forwarding it to everyone I love.

middlebrow said...

Yes, I agree with Renaissance Girl. Hilarious. I posted it to Facebook.

Amelia said...

Hee hee hee heee.

Stephanie said...

Amen, HTMS, AMEN!

radagast said...

On fume des gauloises, bien sur?

Ann said...

YOU are awesome.

gilian said...

The Lord knoweth thou art not a robot.

Hilarious.

Eric Ribbens said...

you need one about coveting. Let's see:

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's small class. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's grading rubric, his teaching assistants, his multiple choice tests, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor. Even if he is a lazy lucky slob.

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