But for tonight, I am going to tell you the story of how I happened to have two enormous Dungeness crabs in my refrigerator.
Me, in Whole Foods, both blithe and smug, having put in my cart everything I would need for my portion of the Thanksgiving day feast . . . AND MORE . . .
Guy behind the fish counter: You look like a person who loves Dungeness crab.
Me: [thinking to myself: I do love Dungeness crab!] (aloud:) I do love Dungeness crab!
Guy behind the fish counter: Well, then come over here and have a taste.
Me: [thinking to myself: a taste! just a taste!] (aloud:) Thanks!
That crab happened to be some of the most delicious crab I have ever eaten. [Note to self: the word crab starts to sound kind of funny when you say it a whole bunch of times in a row. See if you can come up with a synonym.]
Guy behind the fish counter: . . . And it's a really good deal. You buy one of these, it's a nice meal for a person.
Me: [thinking to myself: that is a good deal!] (aloud:) That is a good deal. How many of them would make about 2 pounds?
Guy behind the fish counter: About two of them.
Me: well . . . crabs [crustaceans?] kind of scare me.
Guy behind the fish counter: Totally understandable. I can clean them for you.
Me: [to myself: did he just sing the words "I can clean them for you"?] (aloud:) Really?
Guy behind the counter: Yes! (shiny and melodic)
And that, my people, is how I ended up with 2 crabs, cleaned, wrapped in fish paper, in my refrigerator. And also how I ended up thinking, I have two crabs in my refrigerator, cleaned, yes, wrapped in fish paper, yes. And yet I am the only crab eater at my house.