Today, as I was perusing the postal arrivals--a late Christmas card with an amusing letter, a bill or ten, a mass marketing postcard--shuffling through the items, I was . . . how can I put this? horrified? alarmed? shocked? bewildered? by your glowering, heavy, thick, lummox-like presence.
You are veritably huge.
You are like unto a brick.
Form 1040, I hate to be the one who says so, but you are carrying a few extra pounds around your middle.
Form 1040, it is no wonder the people revile you.
Form 1040, you really need to rethink your presentation.
Form 1040, your brand is totally bloated and distasteful.
Form 1040, may I recommend a new stylist?
Form 1040, I cannot say that I welcome your presence.