Thursday, February 10, 2011

It's funnier the further west you get.

While we were in Washington, D.C., a few friends gathered at a pretty fabulous restaurant. It is one of those restaurants where the provenance of everything is specified on the menu. Order the food, receive the genealogy of the food.

And let me be the first to say, I was grateful for the information. The food was fantastic and the whole affair was just lovely. But I personally found it hilarious that the veal, the duck, and the pork were of Amish derivation.

(The pig never drove anywhere. The duck paddled by candlelight.)

Apparently I'm the only one who finds this so funny. I mentioned to one of my D.C.-located friends that we'd eaten at this place.

"You went to Fabulous Restaurant Name?" he said. Indeed, I said. Lucky us.

And then I sprang my "now let me tell you the one about the Amish duck!" on him, and he was all serious: "There's a lot of Amish people around."

And I was all: "But the meat! The MEAT is Amish? No, that's funny."

And he was all: [to himself] Nope, not all that funny.

The next day, I told this story to my cousin who lives in D.C. He was all, "No, that Amish veal thing, that's pretty funny." You know, the kind of funny that's by decree, but doesn't actually make you laugh?

Oh, I can deconstruct it. The savory soberness of Amish. The very alternativeness, the refusal of high-tech, the humility of it all. The plainness. Surely this must translate into . . . what? More righteous meat? I think that's how it works.

But I am still amused by it. Amish! Amish duck!

Our compatriot, at dinner, orders:

Maitre d'host: And for you sir?

Compatriot: I'll have the pork. (pauses--glances at me, the source of the Amish-themed merriment) The Amish pork.

Maitre d'host: Sir? (severe pause, so that the compatriot may reflect on his inappropriate jest) How would you like that cooked?

I'll take my Amish pork medium well done, thank you.


  1. Oh Hightouchy, I would have laughed with you. Ducks in black hats! Ducks with beards and no mustaches. Another reason I regret missing you this season. Oh. Regret makes me rhymey.

  2. Guffaw! There's a children's picture book in there somewhere. The ending might be a bit grim, though.
    Can't wait for the States-rights Utah Pork once we get the gummint off our backs with all their intrusive, socialist inspections. Now with more trichinosis!


  4. I do find the image of Ahmish pork extremely hilarious.

  5. I find the Amish Veal funniest of all, because when I think of Veal I think of little baby cows in pens...not being treated nicely. Not Amish at all.
    Also I would like to see the pig's Amish beard.

  6. Defensive Response: Aw c'mon, I wasn't that bad!

    Sarcastic Response: Oh I suppose you prefer LDS Duck!

    Honest Response: I wasn't quite focused and had you told that story later in the meal, I probably would have found it funny. Probably.

    Regardless, always feel honored to appear in an HTMS post! And even better to see you after so long!

    Humorless in DC.

  7. You are always funnier.



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