Saw Kung Fu Hustle tonight, and have been contemplating what my kung fu moves would be if I were a kung fu master. The best thing about this movie is that all the masters are middle-aged people with bellies, and they often don't get out of their pajamas. So there's a guy whose kung fu signature is that he can basically go floppy and swerve without moving his feet. Also, there's landlady who wanders around with curlers in her hair, wearing a nightie, a cigarette hanging from her mouth, whose move is the Lion's Roar--which is essentially yelling really, really loud. (If I were a yelling mom, I would be in fighting trim, in other words. But I'm not. A yelling mom, I mean. Or in fighting trim, for that matter.)
I would like to be the kind of kung fu master who could fight from a supine position on a couch. Maybe I'd use a remote control as my secret weapon. (Some people have poles, some have axes, some have bands of steel on their wrists. I would wield a wicked remote.) Maybe also I could perform a lightning quick channel change to Fear Factor, a show I find really, really scary, to deal any necessary death blows.
Anyone? Signature kung fu moves?