Possible Halloween costumes.

1. Grandma. I'm thinking of wearing a curly, graying hairstyle. (unlike every other day?)

2. Closet Yeti. I could wear all my sweaters and all my pants.

3. Procrastinator. Carrying my calendar around, sporting an anxious facial expression.

4. Cook. Since the setting would be nine tenths of the costume, you'd come see me at home, in my kitchen.

5. Political Freak. Wearing a constant digital feed of poll data.

6. Film Critic. Dyspeptic expression, pen light, with a perpetual rude remark on my lips--also, spouting my faulty recollections of crucial plot details.

7. Deconstructed Bruiser. First, I'd take transparent contact paper and press it against Bruiser's flanks, then construct a shirt, to be worn inside out. My expression would be soulful, canine, debonair.

Open to suggestions, though I will probably just be College Professor, on Sabbatical.