Hightouchmegastore: The Guides for Living.

Part 178.5: Pie-making lessons.

1. A tart is not a pie.
2. Ergo, a pie is not a tart.
3. Ergo (part 2), tart dough and pie dough are not the same thing and should not be thought of as interchangeable.
4. Sometimes your tart dough, which you may be foolishly attempting to use for pie dough, will be contrary. It may want to raise issues, question your authority, try to show you who's boss.
5. You must not let this happen, even if it means stamping your feet and scaring the dog, a little bit.
6. Piecing and pressing together can solve many pie or tart dough issues.
7. Keep everything cold. Keep yourself cool.
8. Sometimes your blender will not be all it should be, such as when you are trying to puree the pumpkin you have roasted. Swearing at the blender may or may not create the necessary motivation, otherwise known as "blending power," to do the job.
9. Try not to get rubber spatula chunks in the puree whilst pushing the pumpkin into the blades.
10. In the end, regardless of the vicissitudes of pastry, blenders, time and the wicked souls of men, the pie will almost certainly still taste pretty good.
11. Usually, even dang good.