Halloween candy in review (miniature candy edition).

Candy	Pros	Cons	Overall
Milky Way (Peanut Butter version)	I didn’t actually taste the Milky Way (Peanut Butter version). It just came in the big bag of Halloween candy, along with the Snickers. Pretty shiny wrapper?	Peanut Butter flavor anything is mostly gross.  Exceptions: peanut butter sandwich. Peanut butter icing on white cake. Peanut butter cookie.	C.  There’s absolutely no good reason to mess with the original Milky Way.
Almond Joy	So cute. Little oblong shape with rounded edges. One petite almond in the middle of the oblong. Suave.	There is literally nothing wrong with the Almond Joy, except that there should be two more almonds, and they should all be spaced appropriately, so that the almond per bite would be optimal.	B.  See notes re: additional almond redesign of Almond Joy.
Box of Dots.	Dots are not a good candy. They are sub par. That said, in the ‘fruit-flavored’ category, Dots are my favorites. That’s not even true. I actually prefer Jujy Fruits, but they are a dental hazard. Ergo: Dots.	Not actually ‘fruit-flavored.’ More like ‘fruit-colored.’	C- They’ll do in a pinch. They’re cute in their little boxes. I’m adjusting the grade to a C.
Kit Kat Bar	The break down the middle of the Kit Kat bar is its signature move, and it is a good signature. It resonates with good auditory satisfaction, as well as a formal sense of symmetry. The crunch aspect is also not bad, not bad at all.	I have not had a dark chocolate Kit Kat bar, although they are rumored to exist. The milk chocolate Kit Kat is edible, entirely edible, but it’s also a little insipid. Especially if you ate several miniature Kit Kat bars, one after the other. Why would you do that? Because they’re there, that’s why.	B- Fine, B.
Twix Bar	None of the satisfying symmetry or break-down-the-middle pleasure of the Kit Kat. But caramel. Whoever thought of that was doing some next-level thinking. The Twix Bar is better than the Kit Kat on a quantum level. That’s right: actual physics says that the Twix is better than the Kit Kat bar. (it’s physics when you just say the word quantum, right?)	No cons. Twix bar = excellent.	A. That is all.
Box of Milk Duds	Caramel plus waxy chocolate should not equal excellence. And yet it does. The caramel requires that the candy spend at least a moment in the mouth before chewing, because it’s hard, and you don’t want your candy messing with your fillings. While the caramel is softening, the chocolate is melting.  There’s timing involved. Timing and, let’s face it, artistry. Eating a Milk Dud is an art.  I am a Milk Dud artist.	The only thing wrong with Milk Duds is: NOTHING. Okay, sometimes, you get a box with only three Milk Duds in it. That’s basically foul play.	A+ It’s my favorite. —the mini box is so adorable.

Halloween candy: a hate-ode.

Today, I made the annual offering to the sugar gods. By this, I mean I bought approximately seven pounds of Halloween candy. I knew it was Halloween candy, rather than just big bags of miniature sized packs of Milk Duds, Kit Kats, and other, crappier candy, because it had ghosts on the bags. That much sugar IS scary.

And not just because it is handed out in the darkening gloom, to children dressed up like zombies, kitty cats, pirates, droids, and Darth Vader. No, it's because it has to sit at my house for days before the handing out even happens. I'm pretty sure this isn't actually my fault, that the bag got torn open before I even got in the car to drive it from Target home. Okay, I tore it open. And extracted two mini boxes of Milk Duds. And ate one of them while I was driving to Trader Joe's. And then ate the other one while I was driving from Trader Joe's home. I may have also sampled the Kit Kats.

The historian came home from his afternoon of good works. "Oh!" he said, and took out a tiny pack of chocolate-y whatnot.

"Hey!" I said. And all that that implied, such as don't you eat the Halloween candy before Halloween! And: I don't want to have to go back to the store and buy MORE candy! And: crazy rabbit, Kit Kats are for kids!

Not that I had eaten the Halloween candy straight from the big bag, and also from the trunk of my car. Or skulkingly ate those Milk Duds one two three four whilst driving. Or anything like that.

Candy is the worst. Small candy is the worst of the worst. It acts like it's redefining the whole situation by its tininess, winningly announcing: How can I hurt you? I'm so tiny! I'm miniature! And then you've eaten, like, six boxes of Milk Duds (approximately) and it's only four o'clock, and it's still six days till Halloween.

Well, there it is. Halloween is here. The enemy is in the house. And, as usual, the enemy is us.

Candy, music, fun.

Tonight, we went to my aunt's house for the annual Christmas musicale. It was grand. There was trumpet playing by my niece, my son and I sang In the bleak midwinter, my nephew was pressed into service, playing Apologize on the piano, the kids joined in on all sorts of carol singing, and we joined together in a fantastic rendition of Bacon Pancakes (led by my son). Super-festive, in other words. Maybe the most fun ever?

In related matters: I made a bunch of candy over the last couple of days:

Listen. I don't know if people even like brittle anymore. I, however, will say this about it:

1. way easier than you'd think.
2. fast--if you've got your ingredients organized, it's like 15 minutes tops per batch.
3. makes you feel like a genius despite 1 & 2 above.

Also:

     4. it looks super cute in a box when you give it to your neighbors. AND
     5.  it must be said: when you make it yourself, it tastes dang fresh and damn good.

(The link above is what got me started. It is the most stripped down, essential version. Here's one that gives you a little foam in the candy at the last minute, which is different and also good.)

For Lent.

Me (there are Reese's flavored Easter eggs on a television commercial): That's right, it's almost Easter.

The historian: That's why, when I stopped at the 7-Eleven on my way home for a bottle of Coke, except I bought Dr. Pepper instead, at the cash register, I said to myself, "That's a Cadbury egg," and I bought one and ate the whole thing in the car.

Me: So you think that's fine, eating Easter candy now? Even though it's Lent?

Historian: Well . . .

Me: I guess you don't really observe Lent.

Historian: No, actually, I'm giving up texting for Lent.

Me: [mirth]

Historian: Also, the desire to text.

Me: [mirth redoubled]

Historian: Also, . . . what is that? Twittering.